|
|
 |
Dictionary Dreams: My Published Poetry
|
My published poetry has been collected in Glossolalia: Speaking in Tongues, published in 2009. The book can be purchased on Amazon.com
or directly from Orchard House Press.
Most of these poems have appeared in print publications, ranging from Mid-American Review to TWIG to Bellingham Review,
The Stand, and many other publications. These works are reserved by copyright and may not be re-printed without the author's permission.
Early reviews have been very generous:
|
|
"An inspiring collection of work for those who find succor in the wildness of words or the
wilderness of the Pacific Northwest. Glossolalia is an invigorating book of unconventional poetry--worthy of note. -- Nicholas Hallum, editor of
Poetry in Place: The Pacific Northwest in Prose and Poems
Like the best works of 19th century poetry, this 21st century first book of poems from Ned Hayes is full of mythic references. Glossolalia
is a book that is by turns charming, frustrating, brutal and spiritual. This insightful work will intrigue and enthrall most every reader.
Recommended. -- Steelhead Reviews
The majority of the poems in the book can also be found posted below:
transfiguration.
White men's bodies turn green under the billows of the sea
I have been told so; when the young are dragged from the
tide
their lips have melted into a delicate slash of emerald.
Black bodies turn blue in the brine
none of the longshoremen here notice, for there are too many
dead;
in Jamaica or Barbados it is rarer. There, the heavy pictish tinge
is obvious -- their friends, dark and strangely indigo,
found
among the flood of tourist caucasian suicides.
There is a color women's bodies turn
the change is as oblique as the departure of the soul
when our flesh takes on the scent of waves, our skin tone
melds away.
But no one has ever noticed the change of shade; these
corpses often float for years.
then, sometimes, they return to shore, marry, take up jobs
or clean
house, have children, laugh and talk. I am walking
around still, tasting of ocean, undetected.
the dead shall rise.
dug myself out of the
tide
spattered coastline,
down here, where the
oyster
shells
hinge themselves
open and close,
open
and close.
a tingling pulse comes,
under
the throb of the sea's
vast flesh
it calls me
and I know
now
it is hard
to come into living
again
after years
covered in barnacle
waves
I took the deep into me
melted self into sea
yet now,
to
be born ?
advice.
(To a
writer: remember, some old
boats never sail.)
rough ideas rest
old leaves on the dock
of a harmless sailing
port. They sift into mulch
where, sometimes, if
fortunate, staggering after dark
in the champagne dusk, your
trailing fingers leave a seed
where mizzen mast grows:
sister of basil, or sage, but
hard to find the dish to
flavor. if sprinkled, the threads
are strong, intoxicating. Too
confused a taste for some. Don't
touch the rough wood dock then;
even glances tend to wilt the leaves,
somehow. You wouldn't think it would
and conversation shivers the curved
tendrils of growth to pieces; you might
be left with ragged fibers, if you're young.
It takes another night like the time your
lover stroked you to tumescence on the
kitchen table and you had to leave for
Sunday School luncheon. Or a morning
time of gasp, looking through timbers of a
dead dock for lost keys, in a rush, when you have
nearly forgotten the mizzen. Then the bowsprit.
Almost unnoticeable; if your eyes are empty
the spar will never keen the shrill soft sound
holding tight in a moment when
you may least afford it. But it must be noticed.
And the silent keys may not want finding, so
why not? I won't tell any signs. Omens maybe.
wind might be kissing you. The air could be
from Guadeloupe, so sweet it is close to
rotten. Do elderly Spanish senóras brew it,
feeding the pot with holy water and something
ineffable? Or does a small girl wearing a red
shift with blue hat, discover its taste on her finger,
and wonder where it fell from? sometimes
there is not the air. There is nothing; a spoken caress.
For a long time, you are Rachel gleaning a long
hill clean with broken fingertips. The mind
is fleeting, as old love's memoried lips. No one has
a better hand than no one here and dust settles through
closed rooms, days on days. No one sails any
more. It is too hot. The sun beats, a sullen
heart and you have forgotten the weight of being
pregnant. All this will not hold you back. You
will leave the high heels like two dead pipers
rigor mortis in the sand, spikes upward, because
the sea is washing and stroking a hull, your
boat, slim and beautiful, waiting. The virgin wood has
rarely any hold on land: its roots were flowers, or had I
forgot to sing you that? Over the curve of sail and
keel, drifted blossoms paint leftover sunset, gold, blush
and azure: a wisk of champagne. The only stipulation is
leave then. Catch
the childish wind off of El Nino
and may the gods bless your yellow heels left behind.
birth bed. (for
Jill)
hand trails out of surf,
twitching, grasping,
sucking sand
down around the
trembling
flesh, into my hole,
gaping
wet mouth
of a grave, a womb
in the sandcastle land.
i am safe here,
whisper now,
through razorback lips
coral has formed me
made sea-urchin havens
down between hipbones
a starfish rests
contracting in stillness
again and again
tasting blood
in the particled water
la mere swallowed me
there is nothing in her
that is
not part of me now...
she is a sea anemone
writhing
with color, about to
wrest life
from this tide.
wording.
The slow settling of a house with
someone else’s dried bits of
Memory still inside. Life eating
itself is what they said of my
Cancer. It seems my cells found
their own lives so much more
Interesting than mine. Even as I
breathe, as I speak, they turned
Away, watching their own patterns
grow. Now your mouth moves
The riffs and swells echoing, rocks
in the current above my
Grave, an underwater blur. The lick
and plunge of words become
A physical act without a touch,
something created between us.
Your laving coolness covers the
sounds of clocks ticking, plants
Moving, even my cells growing. The
languorous notes waver in light,
Leeching cold stinging labials into
my ears, forming something
Eternal from the raw tongue,
palette, epiglottis, the virgin air flowing
Warm as blood. You are attempting
an exorcism of flesh, a bruising
Invocation, a baptism in dialogue,
drowning me in harsh fricatives
And vowels, a falling to risk, to
best anything doctors may give. For it is
Dangerous cutting throat into
voice, suckling breath; we know nothing
Except what has been given us by
the past. A life is dissolved in every
Sound we utter, and we speak the
history of those who forced meaning
From animal thought formless and
void. We make a river from the past,
Mouthing here the sounds of those
unremembered, except where the soul
Beats. I close my eyes and know
their thought in mine, the metastasizing
Of one self into other. Together,
we taste my undead breath, thrashing my
Soul’s blood into a froth of
meaning, covering the tide with a foam of letters,
Making every moment in this river count for more than this syllable, this
stroke.
later. (after Robert Bly)
I have enjoyed
writing, at a desk
all day long.
later, a friend and I
go for a walk
to see who
can leave
the most
behind
but we sail only under
the white blossoms
on the trees
and a pale moon that lurks
in the day sky.
gone too far
we turn
and cut across the wind
for home.
The Conversation.
When that demon had brought me to a place of knowing
That I had only the surge and ebb of lust, the hollow need
for
Others to fill me, those things none escape. ‘The truth,’
she told
‘That you live between absence and loss, and strive to know
less.’
Corrugated rainwater steaming on the alligator backs of
streets,
Leaping statues from mist and moonlight sifting in, comfort
And laughter in a dog's face, petals on cold boughs. Twisted
Shapes holding memories in concert, loud lies to efface
death.’
To see in such a frozen scrim some icy substance,
revelations in
Whispers of blasphemy left behind in the frost. I surfaced
in that
Phoenix of a dawn, knowing the glorious throes of daylight,
and
Slept, taking comfort through a world small enough to hold.
We look for such an end in time of great fragility. And in
the
Crush of soldiers dying I found again such truth: a cake,
new
Boots, old soap, things merely to hold, not great or less by
Knowing, of nothing a sign. Her words echo still, even as
the
Large movements of my wants are crashing, bludgeoning
Unseen, like some dark beast through empty rooms below,
Marking the unreal, the shades of things; metaphor and lies,
Not touch or taste or even that most fleeting,
remembrance.
Now I stand away, keeping things apart, keeping the small
things,
Those mundanities; the shoes and clocks, mops and pails;
Undistinguished. I do not need them filled, imbued with
Fiction and with prophecy. One must have the grace to step
aside,
To turn away from fate. Now these make my life distinct: the
sound of
Snails, the twist of real thread, a taste of basil. An
intricate curl
In vines becomes exact. A rasping of tires and the fibrous strength
Of wood; the movements of a whippoorwill, the turn of key in
lock.
places.
places i have been with my hands
that i would not take
a body, and places dredged
so full in violation or ecstasy
that consciousness would break
the surface
with this curling symmetry
of letter i have turned to dive
dry, into root-torn ruins
plumbed depths of hunger, searched
for my own hopeful anger and
lost all that my knowledge knows
there are limits to such exploration
only words enable the craft, and
always the boatstream loses way,
evaporating when i feel the sharp shallow
tinge of edges and mystery; then i am
marooned on dusty land, tongue
drawn up, a crow's parched wing
to the top of my mouth where
the teeth tighten.
i want more:
a feast of syllables to explain
these things, the places my hands
have gone to, of their own accord.
For Orpheus, returning.
There's wheat where he's dead walking
My grandfather, solid as dust or mist billowing up
Over the shimmering grain, lingering heavy
As evening over the empty Dakota sand hills
He's looking for something: the dead always are
Called out by this dream, he drifted to the old farm
Over the dropping dusk. He waits, as the field furrows
Lengthen into rifts of shadow and dim lustre.
Watching him linger in the depths of my sleep, I think
The stories were true, that some soul might sink down into
ice
Singing so that the song, breaking through our chests, out
Our mouths, brings to light all the oceans
We've swallowed, silted thick and dark
For in the dark times there will also be singing
A wind of singing that slices out between the stars
Carving passages for us to follow after the last noise
The last breath, the last story (but one)
O, you who brought the dead up singing,
You who swept the rivers into flooding sound
Lovely lying story, O you, clutching a trembling
Dying lyre as the trees fainted down living around.
After a scatology of fallen lover's names, you come
To where we are adorning and perfuming a city
Of corpses for a stinking second-hand grave
There are so few who really die any more
We pass from numbness to unconsciousness with as
Little change as the wink of some forgotten eye.
Yet you come, you, a story, a remembered idol
Only true
Why have you sung, and what passions shall
The living depart to listen to you? What tears can
Remain in a place of flickering shadow and shade?
Unremembered, something told to me in dreams
Echoes back with a sound like wings on sand.
For I've found you alone, long sunken in silence
Brushing your withered lips against the throat
Of a harp, loosing these notes to spill out
Stories, old as the sea itself, and young, fresh as
The boy's body crouched tight in the deer-copse
Lodged here against stones and beech saplings, drifting,
Brush branches wrapped thick as fingers around him,
Too young to know how he moved slow on broken bones
Like salmon towards a dry river run,
Or why there are not more faces beside him
In the dawn, where he waits for the deep still woods to stir
Waits among the desolate dead, waits for the singing to
rise.
There are a few souls dragged crazy across the years
The rest have dripped away,
water
through our fingers
Children: the bleak earth's brightest
the
first to perish
the last to drown in time
and first to be bound back to life
when the notes trickle through the trees
Notes that no one hears now
But washers of feet and wording children
and shuddering fools like you
The badlands are creased like old flesh where your ghost
wanders,
Stealing into the silence where walls hold no paintings
anymore
No Quetozacaotal to inspire, no Michael gripping Satan's
hair.
In this time, the revelled whisper of a voice stirs
The choke of a swallow catching in the mouth,
Leaving a
scent on the
tips
of the blades
of our tongues
Burning like
cinnamon
Bitter as the peel of an orange
The low quick tones echo across the sky
Lips
fluttering out a spray of notes
Frantic as gusts on the white
leaves
Of water in the harbor of night.
river.
white frost an inch thick on our morning dock:
two feet above the winter water.
deep in mounting fog, one hears the nestling ducks,
an echo of reeds in tide, ever rising.
sound sinks away with the watery air at dusk.
cool fire licks the mist, this silent whispering wick.
across seas, many fingers set the death-boats
floating down the Yangtze
flaming and winking for the souls of my ancestors.
after the viewing.
Snow touches each house with
the blankness of ash
Each building
isolated
in the eddies and the rushing
flow
that strike and glance here,
there,
indiscriminate, leaving us behind.
We cannot hold a
soul long
before we must give it away;
the weight of it bends us,
breaks us.
Yet we keep wanting more,
even as we give it
away,
departing before we have arrived.
In winter, the trees
in this town
appear one by one along the silent streets,
each branch crowned with frozen
air.
The oaks and birches have abandoned leaves,
and broken out, budded,
in a shock of white.
Elegy, for Doug Dykstra ( died October 1989, Alaska, age fourteen)
Like woken beasts we
staggered awkward through the cemetery snow You might have
cried, the strain
showing in your cheekbones and big eyes, when we prayed over your mother,
but then you might
have watched the ropes lowering the first coffin and wondered
The right side of
yours was heavier; I faltered lifting the wooden weight
Had you piled gold
pirate coins as loot under the lid, or chosen secret
stones to hide there,
stolen from Matanuska salmon runs? Maybe the
good shoes were too
tight or the boy scout medals superfluous and you had
laid them against the
side to wait till you could get out and test the snow with
bare feet I think you
took a perverse pleasure in the box slipping, one corner
on the rope, while we
stood there, sweating and pulling, our feet cold in the
sludge and frosted
loam But
all you wanted was to be down, like the time you
jumped from the
Slackmeyer's Big Pine and broke your little toe, in spite of the ladder
You were looking up at
the circle of faces, shouting "yes, yes" when the clods of earth
were finally tossed to
fall wet and dark and wonderful dirt against the snow, covering
two white boxes in
moist loose earth
You love the smell of roots and wild things underneath
the ground unfrozen
now many months later, and you are cupping the wriggling earthworms
and the curious beetles
in your hand and hoping they will try to escape (you can catch
them then) You're
exploring the light cool dirt and whistling the sap into the grass blades
and struggling flowers
and -- never before done by a boy -- climbing pine trees from the inside
Nothing good is quiet
in the spring and you are listening to the brambles and stretching out to
hold the rustle of
thistles that can sting a dog's nose The smell of full fresh underground is
rich, like that old
mine shaft we found at Keewatin or the dug-out with the log ceiling where you
slept alone all summer
while we were inside the house You'd walk in covered with dew and pine
needles in the
morning
And I still expect you to come in and tell your sister "look what I
found
while I was
buried!" and hold up yellow knucklebones all on a string with an old watch
still ticking, your
treasure, like gold unearthed in a wood box as the pirate lights dim out.
praying with one eye open. (after Mark
Strand)
through dark windows,
the clouds move like
one thinks a bird
might, old ghost
caught by light,
scattered feathers
fractured
snow.
on this morning, Pentecost,
tremors of brass
burst the air
yet my eyes
are closed, I am
still
as the Christ
who sleeps on crosses
everywhere, that
dead thing now
and ever.
yet
does some flame still
lip this shore,
all the mingled mass
of tongues
and what wind unscented
by decay
licks through this space?
what fires flit still
over us
sleeping and waking
enthralled by a divine demon
unto grace?
fall away.
i.
I lose myself every autumn
and it takes me all the long months
between, scrambling and scraping
in the crusted frost and drifted misplaced leaves
to try and regain some of what was left behind
in that headlong rush towards height and danger,
endurance, oblivion and our last desired movement
before winter.
there is a moment, in awful fire,
when all the sensitive points on our nerves
are seared away, and pain ceases. moments,
dim seconds to the rush of death. and in that
compressed time, there is the greater rush of desire.
even in that last fatal moment, beyond all sense
there is the wanting to do forever what we had
last hoped to do on earth. burned to death,
young men fall and rise and step, and fall again.
losing all of what they had, shard by burning shard
until the only life that remains is that wind of desire.
ii.
more than a little of me is lost each winter
and less returns every spring
autumn is my time, for I come into it
saited, complete, everything that was the year
stuffed into my maw, my eyes full and open,
knowing I have in me something strong enough to be killed.
in the fall, I come with some part of me to die.
it is reassuring knowing that the season and I
will fight this battle, and that I will always lose
not really knowing who I may be, or what strength has
passed from my self in the bed of winter, until it is all
over, and I can remember that last violent spasm
of some birthing angel wrenching my hip with a curse.
iii.
the still-born months pass out
and I can begin to gather those scattered pieces
that were a self, again.
it takes time, this gathering of the burst fragments,
flung wide, like mortar shells that don't want to be found.
I hate seeing the hills grow green and more green through
the warming days, the cruel Aprils, the growing March.
the fecundity of it all is choking while I am still
putting shards together, unable or unwilling to place
my own roots, thinking there must be
something more inside this half-made absent form,
something lost in the mist of the fall before,
hidden in the crevices of vanished glaciers and
cool water that has suddenly been eaten by roots
and must be dug out, exhumed like bones that grow
into a graveyard oak tree. It is a hard struggling, this
wrestle for something that is always over the extra edge
in a place I can't really know but in shadows and dreams.
finally, I am satisfied with the dream of who I am,
with the self I have pieced from that which was killed and
broken,
comfortable with this new stranger I must grow to love.
He becomes familar, this solidifying ghost, a person who was
not,
and is no longer cleansed away by any penetrating snows.
iv.
in such comfort, the days lengthen and give me time to
find. solstices
have come and gone, so that I can feel the
knowledge of my phoenix-self wax and grow. but the sounds
change, so that I begin to fear the beauties of fire and
ice.
it becomes harder to hold strands together, harder to
weave the figure I want across the long loom of hours.
in these slow dusks, the knowledge plunges into me
that the dun light of this season means my self soon
will shiver to a moon's faint sliver and shatter endlessly
in consuming flame, like the stars that spread
bright, hard and hidden as crystal, ungraspable, across
a late autumn sky, in the first days of winter.
time.
I shall lick out the corners of you
savor the residue you leave behind
listen with my eyes closed in the half-light
for the rustle and scrape of your passing
and open them to find hours, days, centuries
sucked out by you, insatiable, to the marrow
you're a scent traced with fingers in the night dust
squeezed tight, and thrust into this hot flesh, until
we are swimming out into something untouchable
time, sweet will your way, brought gasping up by a God who
filled the empty vastness with the movement of your breath:
the lazy long moments, and the shortest years
the quick flitting milli-seconds, and the oldest split
gazes into eyes I'd thought I'd seen a thousand times
I can't find the verge of your skin, sensuous and smooth
one hour carrying the seed of another, birthing ever
you take away even as you give, circling your wings
I have seen you in the lights going off in houses
at twilight, the metronome ticking, slowly
the world decaying a little with each stroke
look at you, sharpening the point of a moment
shards of mortality littering the space in-
discriminate, loving all, the only way you can
yet there is the violence in the way you set
angels dancing through a single cool second,
whirling it around till it spins and flames.
taking you, I shall lick out the crevices
find the angles of grace you've hidden
wash them all away, and leave you
begging to return that something you
found whole on the sixth day, and never
let go of, beautiful liar, young time.
signs & abominations. (a
liturgy for the Goddess of Change)
the knowledge first, this never fails when the teeth grow
rot and the head
numb with the cloudy forms of diseases named for English old
men
themselves who grew sick and died, victims in that most
palpable of plagues
the calcification of arteries and cognition,
the slow and infesting accumulation of age itself
yes, some things do not alter in time: not the lilting cry
of the passenger pigeon, long-flighted, passing always along
the new-broke borders of the sign of change, of irrevocation
the constellations do not wane, those distant shapes that
began all
by tearing apart and lunge still outwards at a desperate
speed
vast, unthinking into a sea of darkness, silence.
and thought itself, ideas and the symbols we place
on things: these bear no touch of night, decay and age
there is no dissonance in the crucifixion on a killer's
breast,
brides wearing white the day the labor breaks their water;
fingers boiling, burning off as freedom's capsules fall,
love for children on a statesman's brow
none of this can alter while we watch on,
flickers in the dimming fire.
sacrament
If I am to fall in love
With the world, despite time
Despite each holocaust, despite
Every child who starves with a plea
In their eyes, despite every
Faltering pulse, despite every
Unanswered prayer
I must love each moment
I’m denied love, each slow turn
In which I draw nearer to death
If I am to fall in love with the world
I must be willing to love
Every spot and tear in the fabric
Every wind that shakes my door
For the world would not be whole
Without my love, and without
These agonies, without the knots
And rips that take the breath from my lungs
I must love what gives me strength
What makes me less than whole
For only then am I part of this world
This stained and spotted sacrifice
Bloody, and tattered and full of glory
I must learn to love
What gives me weight in the stream
Of this life
I know I move
sometimes for joy and
sometimes for terror, yet
If I am to fall in love
With the world, it must be
In spite of my fear
Or because of it:
With all my fear held out
In my hands, like my soul
At the moment of a kiss
Dragged out from the places
I have hidden it, where it is
Small and unnamable
If I am to fall in love with the world
I must be willing to name it
To name every particle of being
Every second of existence, every grain
That I trod upon, every tree that touches
My life, name them all like a fountain
Allowing each name to spill over
Into the water of time, leaving a scent
Something ineffable, sweet, that
Rushes away before I can hold it
And I must be willing to fall
Thus, my own self
Into the water
to my old house: a home in april (for Vic
Bobb)
"it shall be you," whisper
when the smallest sprouts
show there is no death
in my frozen earth
"it shall be you."
not forgotten are the blue noses
of the carpenters,
how they scouted at my greenness --
planting roots in the cruel month
building haphazard on my memory
tracking mire with boots,
bricks cracked, boards warped,
wiring shriveled and rusting
like old lilac bulbs.
"it shall be you:" what
may be won from a
hard season?
where the freeways run you home. (from a story for C & T)
She woke in Los Angeles to the sunlight and the airy sound
of the birds
in the trees below them. Years later, she would remember this.
On foggy mornings, she and he were floating from the light
and the city,
the sounds of the birds in the jacaranda trees carrying them
away.
The skyline and the trees emerged, distinct and unreal,
shapes in a dream, and she returned to bed and trailed her fingers along his
back until he awoke.
She did not always recall the love-making, even after their
first child
was conceived from such a time, but she remembered always
the birds.
At a tourist antique shop on Sunset Strip she bought
postcards: 1950s
pictures of early skyscrapers etched like stencils above an
earthbound town.
She would have been lost in that place where swimmers poised
demurely, startled against the backdrop of a brand-new, elegant Santa Monica
Pier.
At night, she linked their small intimacies to the taste of
sea-salt, and the lights that spread out at dusk, phosphorous on an endless
concrete wave.
In late afternoon, the rush of cars promised her everything
beyond all bounds and she gasped in the blue of summer sky, silted with fine
white and gray ash.
Slowing once, she glimpsed one house in a circle of
porchlight, hanging static among the many for less than a moment, a tricycle
caught like a minature.
How real it was!
how much the lives of the people living there could mean!
there was a sinking inside her that had the harsh taste of
despair.
They still wrestled together then, as if to prove something
to each other
and she did not know her despair would take a long time to
pass.
She stood in the morning, under the water, and closed her
eyes, thinking she could not get rid of him, and watched cars move past the
mouth of a tunnel underwater.
Late at night, she heard him stir in the warm space left by
her absence on the bed.
In darkness, waves of slow rain rushed near her, passed, and
returned.
At full light the pigeons appeared from apartments blocks
away, specks
in the eye of the gray dawn, circling in their myriad dozens
towards her
swooping suddenly above her head in a rush of shadows, out
of the deluge.
when did you last come here
when did you last come
here, to the minute battles
that reverberate down the
days and months
the ties that bind to breaking.
when last, except in dreams
half-waking, holding, hitting
in that close embrace.
I was hostage in an open field,
four around me, no escape
no weapons, yet I would
die in this similitude place
and cried out in my sleep
waking my wife, waking all
asking when last did you come
with me to this tight
closed place, a linkage of
sorrows? in the heart
there are more lies
than any truth
those we cannot see, undeniable
unwilled to know. that place
we want in ourselves always
caught in a dying light
just as we might be almost
upon its movement
there is scarcely time
to step back
throbbing, missing, knowing
you have cut and been cut
struggling as a boxer
struggles for consciousness,
not thinking of weight
or vision, but the simple
shades: light,
darkness,
memory.
covenant.
there is a mountain that
cuts you
when you climb it
a tearing world
to strip our desires to
the quick
and plant our hearts in
open space:
it is only here they
root and grow.
no other ground is
watered
with such wounds,
yet none
has such soil and such
sky
in the vein.
your
absence hisses
in my mouth
a
stone on the lips.
you’ve seeped out of me, an
intoxication
of
memory, bitter as the peel of an orange,
sharp
as a curl of cinnamon skin,
I know it like a poison
in
the vein
it moves through me, this
missing
of you, a slow shudder
something distant and
unknowable
comes close,
underground, where I post no sentries,
keep
no code-breakers,
where I am blind.
in the morning you
have
moved darker through
me, and I know all
that I can bring into this room
is not enough
to
fill it.
this season
this season, the poets
clutter up the doorways
dry, cracked and worn,
scuttering and curling.
it is an old place
I've come to, somewhere
expiring
out its thick cold air,
holding
what little it has left
in a
watercolor blur: vague
folds of earth,
writhing trees,
tendoning these clouds.
the end
creeps into my building
lightly, skipping along
the hallway
missing every other
brick.
new year.
Rosh Hashanah comes
this year
on a day of cool wind,
a breathtaking
portent of winter
taking the world, rude
lover
tossing
the sheets away.
in autumn
the sadness of all
things
is greatest
for now
the world was created.
the new fruit, shot
through
with decay:
birthed in the same
moment,
the racing seed
and the worm.
window. (the
dream of my wife I)
seeing a small woman,
in bride white
running strangely
across the parking lot
then looking back to the
room where you were
talking and afterwards she
was only a moth dragging
slowly across the misty window.
standing. (the
dream of my wife II)
when my second wife went
mad, she said nothing
and I did not know her
madness until we had been
married for many years
and all the accumulated
stuff of life had grown
up around us like some
tendrilous plant entangling
the feelings of my self
with her silence. I did
not want to leave, but
eventually I was saying
nothing also and the sky
is empty in this dream.
I stand among pilings
of dusty possessions holding
up a cloudy dock and my
eyes sail far into
the sky, leaving me.
moving. (the
dream of my wife III)
when I woke, I was
alone. alone: I
did
not have any wives
and I walked quiet
through a house of stone
and wood and scent
and felt my self move
within my body and knew
the curving of my belly
and the touching of my
feet. and when a
storm came to love
me I would turn
away from its caresses
and feel my
self waking slow,
a long still dream.
long time. (the
dream of my wife IV)
I have no fourth wife.
such a thing would be absurd.
I am not mad.
and yet,
I wonder to have known
babies born from human
mothers and eyes straining
after words and water
dripping from a corner.
there is a shadow stripping
paint from my white wall
and there are dust motes lifted
by the waiting air.
waking in time. Why do you lie?
The truth lies like nothing else
and I love the truth. -- Mark Strand
time, compresses into itself
when I am not looking
when I turn away, when I am not aware
a shy lover, hiding its pleasures
I wake in the small hours that are left
alone with traces of what came before
the long, loquacious lengths of time
hours of evening, gone to me.
my head throbs with violence and
a beautiful pain, as if it has been cauterized
by the angry slumber of revelry and drink.
even the turning of my neck to watch her
darker breathing beside me brings memory:
laughter, lies, pain and a wrenching in my gut
the death that always follows, the retribution
for splashing so freely through desire and oblivion.
the small, thin, wasted hours now
moments crowd beside each other like dry sponges.
I step out into the black emptiness
and think of love and truth and beauty and
how we move around each other in a quiet place.
how many hours of silence must we have for one
moment to fill itself full, and be remembered?
the space under the trees where I stood in delight
is under pale stars now and the flat swells of shade.
it is quiet and what was told there?
through time waning paper-thin, my feet
move to the kitchen in a whisper.
the drink is a hush on the throat.
I lie down again and feel
my lungs filling slowly with water or with wine,
my eyes filling with that second death to come.
rite
when Dionysus
found his lover's body in the woods
shattered, bludgeoned, broken
the air shivering against its skin
lips parted in a long forgotten kiss
he planted a vine
in the boy's fresh corpse
the tendrilous roots embracing
spine and heart and spleen,
a vine coming of blood and beauty,
carrying a little death away
in its sweet fruit,
the taste with me now
rotten aftertaste of pleasure,
it shakes through my flesh
in the early morning dark.
did mortality come to the god then,
the first glimpse of ocean
in all directions
from a rocking boat,
a stillness impregnable?
trees have faces
William Butler
Yeats
wrote to
Maud Gynne
she wrote back
her dreams
waking to a racing moon
above the still midnight clouds,
she told
him
thinking of love
that he had been
would always be
the great serpent
Cernunnos
circling round the world
mystery
in his womb
screaming beauty
on his honey tongue
as
she
became part of him
at last
unspeakable
till Freud talked
tobacco-stained
Viennese sermons
no druids on mountaintops here
but old Jung, awake,
scratching
lurid symbols
my blood
still
believes
the trees have faces
and
wine is full
of lost demons.
beware,
the ghost of
the collective unconscious stalks about
seeking whom it may devour.
prosperina elopes. (Demeter’s Daughter is Gone)
she glimpsed
as the dark broke
she heard, out at the end, how
the language would burn
and cover with frost
before the lid went on
again
thus day
crept out
on brinks and borders:
and that other –
the one first cousin to Cerberus –
night,
left crown and cross
behind, eloped for her:
of course
we wouldn’t stand for it
we made dusk
dawn too,
traitors, manning the traps
the fugitives evaded all
on foot, no doubt
she with the faint asphodel
like ash across her hair
and he, night carrying a face
streaked and stippled
as by strange bright tears.
yet we knew
when first
those virgin cheeks tasted
sick sorrow
the worm would turn,
and
eventually
they’d plea-bargain
he
would not want
day
after all,
to know of
the steaming pits
the horror
that wait
for night to return
to his labors,
would he?
damn the gods –
he’s got to come back –
(the dead are piling up at Acheron
worse than a subway
at rush hour)
so
we placed
notices,
like eyes pressed full
flat on every shoddy window from St. Petersburg
to new postmodern
hovels (prefab) on the banks of Lethe, saying
they'd get LIFE, when we took
them.
but
that was long
ago: as far
as
i know
they are still
running, he and she
splashing over
broken boundaries
even now.
divination.
the sign of ending in
each grain of flour, each star, each leaf of tea,
and in the streaks of blood, the number of bodies lying wet
without.
the sign of what we had left behind, willingly.
the sign of the loss of all things.
the sign of a woman crying
and laughing and flinging her arms out
birds flying in patterns overhead
and leaves against a wall, still.
the sign of regret and of redemption.
touching our days like
honey filling an intricate comb,
drop by drop by drop.
the sign of time, vast brushstroke
coming across a watercolor world.
the sign of what I have forgotten, unwillingly.
the sign, blank, of a place I have never seen
and never will see before death.
the sign of a rowboat, and a fool.
the sign of a storm breaking, hurricane, winds, lashing
rain.
in the eye of that terror, someone rowing ever onward,
untouched by striking lines and sheets of rain, unknowing,
safe.
the sign of giving.
the sign of taking away.
the sign of the world disappearing, winking out atom by atom
so that the children's blocks in the corner disappear one by
one
unnoticed until half the ball is gone and then the other
half, and then
a piece of my leg and part of a lamp, a word from a letter,
whole;
the last page of a good novel, the middle of a tie, the
branch of a tree, and
three-quarters of the squirrel still running along the wire,
oblivious;
a glass of milk and, like snapping dirt off the end of a
moving curtain,
a third of a flock of milling birds, rising in flight,
unchanged by their loss.
the sign of a stammering man.
the sign of laughter, and candles being lit.
the scent of a meal simmering over a slow fire.
the sign of a child falling into a father's arms.
the sign of beginning.
finally.
finally there are
very windy days
when almost every
piece of strength
is cast in doubt and
turned against you
but no despair
that came
first, a weight
undeniable
squalling child
hanging always
from your throat
out of you
sustained by you
overwhelming in coercion
in between, a few months
one knows life forever
rain rattles and stutters
softer in cadence and
you cannot know
(should not) that
this measure will ever
be turned against you.
Acknowledgments:
Many thanks
to the Reader's Edge Bookshop Poetry Readings in Montrose, California, for
renewed inspiration. The
listenings, readings, and
encouragement of
Tim Parker, Chris McGrath and Charles McCrone were also
invaluable.
Thanks also to Jamie O'Halloran, of
the ChupaRosa Poets, for her poem
"Lullaby," and the Rich epigraph, and to Bruce
Beasley for his inspiring example.
Author:
About the Author:
Ned Hayes lived
bilingually, in the Republic of China, for the first ten years of his
life. He has since lived in
Ogallala, Nebraska; Pasadena, California; Spokane, Washington; Wallace, Idaho; Seattle,
Washington and Olympia, Washington. Much of his Chinese is now forgotten.

This work by Ned Hayes is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
|
 |